Recollections in Grey
by Scripturience
Summary: "When Flint left, it was like the fiery red head took all the color in Volkner's life with him." Prequel to Blasé. Yaoi, Ignitionshipping (Volkner/Flint). Further warnings inside.


**AN: **Well, this is probably the last thing I expected myself to write. If you haven't read Blasé yet, please do so before reading this. This is going to a prequel of sorts, so things will make more sense if you do. Cover image taken from the Tumblr page of Tegaki Pipa. I don't own Pokemon.

**Warnings:** Brief description of rape, drug use, yaoi, Ignitionshipping, violence.

Looking back on his life, one had to wonder how Volkner ended up such a mess. How could someone so brilliant, so talented, sink so low? The truth is, underneath the superficial glory, despite the admiration, Volkner was quite frankly, unhappy. This might seem like a scoff worthy statement, after all Volkner was only angsty. How could someone with so much genius, the status of a gym leader, and a happy relationship be truly "unhappy?" Happiness is one those words that is so trivially thrown around. People who aren't troubled take such an important word for granted, labeling ephemeral instances of meaningless bliss "happiness."

Volkner was the way he was, because he truly knew what it meant be happy. This might sound like a rather bold or pretentious claim, but to him it was the evident truth. Volkner was well acquainted with happiness, because he lost all of his. And people know best what they long to recapture most. When he became unhappy, Volkner desperately just wanted to feel better. It sounds so simple, so stupid even, but no matter what he did, his paralyzing despair consumed him. Despite his best efforts, Volkner could not simply "lighten up."

Unfortunately, things became worse. Volkner's depression became the ruling force in his life. Slowly but surely all remaining facets of joy he held dear were being eroded away. Eventually, it became a chore for him to drag himself out of bed.

That was when the gym closings started. While depressed, Volkner was still talented. As such, battling still came to him with relative ease, making the dispatching of young challengers a simple task. Volkner claimed he shut his gym down because the battles were too easy for him, but in all honesty it may have just been another aspect of his life that he was losing touch with. At the time, nothing really seemed to cheer him up anymore.

And so battling fell by the wayside along with other routine joys in his life like exercise, gym maintenance, and proper eating habits.

Dramatic, no? Well one can't help but wonder, what exactly set all of this off? What caused "The Shining, Shocking Star" to take his fall from grace? To Volkner, there was a one word, simple, answer.

Flint. The name that for most of his young life embodied all of the happiness and joy he was even capable of experiencing. The goofy, irritating, redheaded elite that Volkner was so hopelessly head over heels for.

The two of them were always close, inseparable even. The pair grew up together in Sunyshore, and experienced a pretty standard childhood. Unlike Flint, Volkner really didn't fuss over the _really_ early days too much.

In their teen years however, is when things got particularly interesting. They were two young, stupid, hormone driven clueless kids. And Volkner was never happier.

They were of course, just discovering their developing sexuality. For Volkner, it was incredibly awkward, because before he knew it he realized the object of his lust was none other than his best friend. Yes lust, at that point, and even now, he didn't think it was anything more. At least not yet. The discovery was unsettling to say the least. The fact that he was gay wasn't really the problem; the people of Sunyshore were pretty open-minded and didn't really let much get to them. The problem was the object of his desires.

Flint and Volkner's relationship was supposed to be platonic. They were supposed to maintain a brotherly love, one that wouldn't pollute the friendship years of growing up together had constructed. Besides, Volkner figured Flint was probably straight anyway, knowing his luck. In time, however, Volkner eventually succumbed to his internal struggle. After his realization, the more time he spent around Flint, the more he started to come to terms with his emotions. Around this time is when Volkner thinks he must've started to fall in love with the afro headed idiot, as he affectionately called him.

Little did he know, the feeling was mutual. Volkner later found out that they had both been harboring feelings; each thinking the other wasn't interested. In hindsight, Volkner probably should have learned how important communication in a relationship is from this incident.

When they both discovered their mutual interest in each other, Volkner was grateful for one thing especially. Flint did most of the hard part. Both of them at the ripe age of 16, something must've gotten to Flint because out of nowhere, he confessed everything. On the top floor of the lighthouse, during a completely unrelated discussion about what he remembers to be ice cream, Flint spilled his heart out to Volkner. After a long drawn out, awkward speech riddled with stuttering, which Flint concluded with, "I fricken love you man!" Volkner reacted the only way he knew how. Being a man of action rather than words, he tackled Flint to the floor and the obvious ensued.

To this day Volkner still isn't sure what made Flint randomly fess up like he did. Perhaps it was the years of pent up hormones that just got to his head. Flint after all, was not known for his restraint.

The days that followed were what Volkner believes to be the very best in his life. Naturally, the two started a relationship together. Contrary to his earlier fears, Volkner and Flint were the closest they had ever been. They went out frequently, curb stomped puny trainers together, and eventually, after a year and a half, got an apartment together. They were what could be called, the perfect couple.

Sure they bickered often, but it was never anything serious. It was always that way for them, dating all the way back to their childhood. To Volkner, petty arguments were his indication that they had a healthy relationship. At least in their own weird way.

He's probably repeated this a million times already, but those three years were the best time in Volkner's life. And of course, all good things must come to an end.

After 3 years of uninterrupted bliss, Volkner received an invitation. It was none other than the Elite Four, requesting his presence amongst their ranks. At the time, he was conflicted. It was no secret that he was an extraordinary battler. If he wanted to, Volkner could probably have attained the title of Champion, should he have accepted the offer. However, Volkner just couldn't do it. He thought of his relationship, the happiness he so greatly treasured, and how him leaving would ruin it for both of them. He firmly declined, deciding that Flint was worth more to him. He only wishes he had known how stupid he truly was.

Not even a week after his rejection to their offer, Volkner got the news that destroyed his life. Being the persistent bunch that they were, the Elite Four went after what was apparently the next best thing. Volkner's boyfriend. After sharing a cup of coffee, Flint broke the news. He seemed almost too excited about how great this was. About how he was moving up in the world, and his career was finally taking off. This is probably why after he came down from his excited state and asked Volkner if he was okay with it, the only answer he gave was a stunned but superficially supportive, "yes."

This marks the stupidest decision of Volkner's entire life. For some reason, despite knowing the effect this would have on their relationship, he just couldn't deny Flint's ambitions. He had the opportunity, but he didn't have the willpower to tell the redhead no. If only he had realized how much that one, little word, could have changed his future.

Volkner still remembers the day of Flint's departure. The weather was clear, and people from all over the town gathered to see him off. Before getting on the boat, he gave Volkner a "goodbye kiss." People cheered. But Volkner wasn't there. His mind was somewhere else, refusing to show just how upset he really was over Flint leaving. Since he dug himself this hole, he figured he might as well save face and let Flint enjoy himself. At least one of them would still be happy.

And so from that day onward, the downward spiral began. Without Flint around, Volkner's life gradually began to lose its meaning. It was until this point that he never realized how dependent one person could be on another. Flint and Volkner had been together for almost all of their lives. Volkner had unknowingly gotten so attached, that he literally couldn't enjoy life without his lover.

He tried to distract himself any way he could. Volkner accepted an offer to take over the position of Gym leader for the town. He used his knowledge of machinery to upgrade it into a miniature metropolis. When there was no more work to do on the gym, he moved onto the town, outfitting it with solar panels and various other improvements. To those around him it was a sign that he was handling Flint's departure just fine. They couldn't be more wrong.

The machines were Volkner's attempt to drown out his problems. They were something he was familiar with, something he could invest a great deal of time and effort into. While he was toiling away on them, he didn't have to think about Flint. But eventually there was literally no more work he could do. He had obsessively made every modification to every contraption he could think of. And it still wasn't enough.

The gym battles were hardly a distraction from anything. Compared to Volkner, most of the kids who showed up at his gym were talentless. He couldn't have enjoyed himself in a gym challenge if he tried.

When Flint left, it was like the fiery red head took all the color in Volkner's life with him. His world was stained a dull monochrome. There was an unfillable gap in his life that he couldn't cope with, nor acknowledge.

As time went on, Flint's visits became more and more infrequent. Each time he did come it only made Volkner hurt more. Seeing Flint made him long for the permanence he once thought their relationship had. Eventually Flint's visits only became a repetition of unwanted goodbyes for Volkner.

After about a year with no Flint, Volkner had become completely numb. He started rejecting challenges more and more, and doing upkeep on his gym less and less. He managed to keep the league quiet about his gym's situation by discretely giving his badges away, and from time to time scoring an easy win against a challenger. For a while, Volkner was able to keep up appearances, albeit barely.

Finally one fateful night, Volkner discovered an outlet for his depression. He was visiting Sunyshore's most popular club, as he began to frequently do after Flint left. However, almost immediately after he ordered his first drink, a rather shady looking man sat next to him at the bar. He tapped Volkner on the shoulder.

"You come here pretty often, huh?" he questioned over the obnoxiously loud music "Got a lot of troubles or somethin'?"

"What's it to you?" Volkner replied with evident bitterness.

"Come with me and I might be able to help ya out with that," the man offered.

After thinking it over for a second, Volkner shrugged. What was the worst that could happen? It's not like he cared about what happened to himself anymore anyway. At least that's what he thought at the time.

The two of them got up from the bar before Volkner's drink could even arrive, and began to make their way through the crowds of moving bodies on the dance floor. Volkner usually stayed away from the floor of the club. He really didn't appreciate a bunch of unfamiliar bodies grinding up on him from every angle. Eventually they reached a door with a sign marked "Employees Only." Well, this man certainly didn't _seem_ like a club employee, but what did he know?

After unlocking the door, they stepped into a rather ominous looking hallway that looked like it was of no use to any employee here. Trash littered the floor, and the dull florescent lights overhead flickered, barely illuminating the corridor. Volkner's initial suspicions were now confirmed. This guy was definitely offering him some kind of drug.

While this probably wasn't the best idea in the world, Volkner decided he would continue to follow the likely vagrant. After all, drugs might actually make his life a bit more exciting. Anything must be better than the way things are now.

Then his mind flashed to Flint. What would his boyfriend think of this? It was a risky, self-destructive decision. Besides he was probably putting himself in danger!

But why did it matter what _Flint_ would think? Flint, who abandoned him for the glory and fame of the Elite Four, who was somehow still perfectly happy without Volkner. Flint who _Volkner_ rejected a chance to be in the Elite Four for. Flint, who broke his heart and drained all of the happiness away from his life.

Volkner's expression darkened. "Well, what are you waiting for?" he beckoned to the man.

This was a world completely foreign to him. Geniuses like Volkner didn't belong here. The further he traversed into the backrooms of the club the more ill at ease he felt. It was as if even the air he was breathing was corrupted just by being there. After walking further down the seemingly endless hallway, they entered a room full of what looked like even more shady characters. The two of them made their way over to a makeshift counter, with a rather large looking man sitting behind it.

What if people recognized him? Then again, it wasn't very likely that the people here cared about battling, let alone who Volkner was. Still there was always a possibility.

Volkner's paranoia didn't seem to matter much anymore because the man in front of him was intent on making their haphazard dealings happen now or never. Although Volkner didn't really think the latter was a possibility at this point. Something told him that this was going to be an inescapable transaction.

"So, what do ya want?" the big guy asked him.

Before Volkner could even reply, his companion spoke for him. "This guy needs something real good, he's a bit of a downer ya know?" Volkner resented that statement.

The big guy produced a brown paper bag and placed it on the counter. Volkner eyed it cautiously.

"So, uh… how much is this gonna run me?" Volkner questioned awkwardly.

The large man was, as Volkner concluded, checking him out; which made him even more uncomfortable than he already was. "For you, I think we can work out a different kinda payment." He said menacingly.

Volkner's eyes widened and immediately looked to the rooms exit, which was promptly slammed by someone standing nearby. "W-wait a minute. I can pay you anything you want, you can even keep the drugs. I won't tell anyone. I swear!" he franticly pleaded, like a trapped animal trying to negotiate with a wolf.

Ignoring his panicked words, a sizable group of men, including the one who guided him here, began to gather around him. He was cornered.

In a last ditch effort, Volkner tried to break through the group and make a mad dash for the exit. He felt hands grab onto him, and struggled like a madman. However, the time spent neglecting his body caught up with him, and he was unable to break their hold.

They held him down, ready to prey on him like a pack of hyenas.

Volkner screamed. Louder than he had in his entire life. The entire time, he hollered at the top of his lungs. If anyone could hear him, evidently they didn't care enough to do anything. At one point, he even called out for Flint's help. As if he was supposed to miraculously appear and protect him. He was never there any other time, why would now be any different?

After what felt like hours, they were finally done with him. He collected the dirtied remains of his clothes, and stumbled out through a back exit of the club, brown bag in hand.

His body was shaking, and every inch of him ached. He knew from the very start that it was a horrible decision. One that was already shaking the foundations of the life he thought was so dull.

He felt disgusting. His skin crawled as his thoughts raced. Volkner felt like he just wanted to break out of his body, like it was an unclean prison that he needed to escape from. This was what Volkner considered in hindsight, to be the second worst decision of his life. It only took second place because it's an indirect result of the first.

For a while he just sat there in the alleyway, like freshly thrown away garbage. In the aftermath of the ordeal, Volkner's mind surged with regret. Had he really sunken this far without Flint? Why didn't he just tell him not to go? What the hell was he thinking when he followed that man?

But regret wouldn't change his situation. The most important person in his life was slipping away from him, and he was falling apart as a result. He let himself sink this low, and this is where he ends up. Slumped over in an alley, gang raped to pay for some fucking drugs he couldn't say no to. The drugs.

Maybe regret couldn't change anything, but….

Volkner's shimmering azure eyes locked onto the bag in front of him. He wanted to forget. Forget his depression, forget this night, forget everything. Yes, he decided, none of this could hurt him if he didn't have to acknowledge it. It was... better this way. At least that's what he told himself as he unwrapped the brown paper bag, and popped the cap off the pill bottle inside.

XxXxXxXxXxX

After discovering the not so innocent underground of Sunyshore, Volkner became entrenched in it. Drugs became the only thing that mattered in his life anymore. He had already lost Flint, so why not find a replacement? Besides, they made him _feel_ again.

Having gained quite a bit of experience with his newfound hobby over time, Volkner became quite skilled at hiding it. At least from Flint. For almost 3 years Volkner was able to conceal his drug use from his lover. The main reason it was so easy, was because Flint so rarely had time to visit him anymore. Volkner would have plenty of time to sober up when he knew Flint was coming, and was able to take the necessary precautions needed to hide signs of his usage, both from his room and his body.

He had at the very least, an illusion of happiness in his life again. Even if it wasn't genuine, it kept his mind off of Flint, which was all Volkner wanted at that point.

But of course, things could never be that easy for him. The day of Flint's vacation, Volkner received a phone call from none other than Cynthia.

"What is it?" Volkner answered the call with evident disdain in his voice.

"I don't want Flint to keep seeing you, Volkner." she calmly replied into the phone. She then started to go on a long rant about how Volkner's problems were harming Flint, and listed all of the negative consequences there could be for the both of them. Ironically, one of which was resorting to drug use.

Volkner almost immediately tuned her out. They had already taken Flint from him before. Now they were intent on sealing the deal, huh? Volkner clenched the phone in his hand.

"Volkner are you listening to m-"before she could finish, he threw the phone against a wall in the gym, smashing it to pieces.

In a fit of rage, he grabbed a crowbar from the floor and began haphazardly hacking away at various machines in the gym. Volkner shouted obscenities, viciously taking his anger out on the once pristine examples of his technical prowess. He continued wildly smashing and destroying everything he could, until he could barely move his arms and he was out of breath.

Volkner staggered to his bedroom, collapsing against the front of his bed. Tears streamed down his face. They were going to take Flint away from him again. Why couldn't things just be the way they were again? Why did the Elite Four have to destroy everything they had together? Volkner wanted to go back, back to the days when they were young stupid kids madly in love with each other.

But he knew he couldn't have that anymore. Those days were never coming back.

A world without Flint isn't one worth living in. It was clear now, that any chance of Volkner and Flint being together in a happy relationship again were long dead.

Volkner retrieved a syringe from a nightstand next to the bed. He prepped it for injection, rolled up his sleeve, and for what he expect to be the last time, squeezed his eyes shut, preparing to never have to suffer without Flint again.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

**AN:** Well, there you have it. As I said before, I never saw myself writing any continuation of Blasé, but for some reason the idea just hit me over the head. I'd also like to apologize for any inaccuracies involving the drug, depression, and rape aspects of this fic. I'm not exactly familiar with these topics, so yeah. Anyways, thank you very much for reading this, and I hope you enjoyed it. Please give me any thoughts or criticisms you have in a review.


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